Social media

It's been a minute, I needed a minute. 

Reflection time is real and also hibernation time! 

And this is what i've seen. 

So I think social media is the devil. I don't think I know another medium that is as fake as this. 

The streams of information just come pouring in, but depending on my algorithm. So….

I see so many people posting and sharing and collecting likes and views, and I know most of them and I know that most of it is bullshit. 

But I am no different, I don't post things of my life falling apart, just a cute picture to get attention in order for me to sell my work.

I feel dependent on social media and I hate it. 

For the last 6 years I have been active, I have been building my company and building my reputation. And it has always been a love/hate relationship.

I love feeling some sort of connection to people, and seeing others thrive. I love getting inspired by art I see, and I love falling asleep to reels of puppies tripping over themselves. 

And the other side is that I feel low and sad if I am online too much. I can feel pressured to create content and fear not being relevant if I don't share.

I feel that if i don't tell people that i am here and i am available for work that they will forget me and i won't be able to sustain myself anymore. 

I am self employed, so I felt I needed to do all this promotion and marketing and honestly I hate it. 

I have tried to make it fun, tried to expand my editing skills, make some cool pictures and just put on a show. 

BUT I don't want to put on a show and I don't want to be dependent on social media. 

Also because all these companies are getting more and more evil.

I don't trust them and I feel their grip of control is tighter than I dare to admit.

All this marketing that we need to do roots out of a system that is broken. The capatalistic system needs to be broken down, but it wont if we all keep following the rules that they make. The fact that there is such a thing as influencers is the proof to my point.

I have been looking for other ways, to maintain my company, to keep on community building and to keep sustaining myself, all of this without social media. 

I felt I haven't dared to take the jump and leap of faith, that I will be fine without it. 

My point is, I don't want to live in fear and dependency on what my value is. 

I know I am good at what I do, and I have built a reputation for myself that is true, the good and the bad. Everything people say is true and has nothing to do with who I am. 

I know who I am and I know what I offer. So it's time for me to step away from this toxic codependent relationship I have with social media. 

This year, me, my team and our students are going into a deep dive for 8 months and I couldn't be more happy about it. The art of color is my dream come true. A program that I wrote over the last years and now is the time to put it into action. 

Maybe I will host a one day class here and there, or invite some people for a ceremony, I will post blogs when I feel like it, but mostly, this is my focus. 

And I will put social media where it belongs, in the back back back of my mind and life. 

This is about me having faith in myself and finding other ways to connect. Different ways that feel more clean, honest, authentic and equal to me. 

Social media is just another relationship I have, and like every relationship that I have, if it feels like we are not equal, or you are taking from me what I am not willing to give, the relationship will change or just end.

This topic has been active for me the last years, like a natural selection process. A purging I you will.
Letting go of relationships that are co dependent can feel so scary, because there is a reason we keep them. And still to be able to break through them gives so much freedom, space and life flow.

To be able to walk away is an icredible feeling, to not let things escalate and to really take care of your boundaries. A thing that I am actively practicing. And it’s giving me myself back. And yes sometimes it hurts and it’s difficult. You know the saying: We have the tendency to choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

Well I see this and I wont settle in this. I will go through my person hell to get to my personal heaven, every time. Taking space away from this medium is giving me the space that I need and want. I dont want to play along with this game anymore.

Also a great way to find out, truly, who belongs to me and who I belong to.